Saturday Feb 18th, 2012 ~ Spirit Cay, Exuma Islands, Bahamas
(The 18th of February would have been my mothers 70th birthday. I think she would be proud… 2/23/2012)
Sometimes I wonder how I ended up where I’m at. This isn’t what I wanted to be when I grew up. It wasn’t even on the radar, yet I find myself anchored under a star strewn sky, floating on crystal a clear bay in a tropical paradise. How the hell did I get here?
I used to have a good job, with a good paycheck, a regular paycheck. But I was miserable, doing what I had to do or what I thought I was supposed to do. What people expected of me. I wasn’t true to myself. I did what came easy, I worked at a job that paid my bills. I climbed the ladder and got to the top of it. I wasn’t going any farther. I got restless. I started dreaming again. White sails and deep blue seas. Sunsets. Foreign lands. Freedom.
I was divorced, kids were grown and on their own, empty nest syndrome set in, if I was ever going to do anything else I better do it now while my health was good. Not getting any younger. I had read about the power of positive thinking, so I changed all my computer logins and passwords to things that fed the dream. How many times a day did I log into countless computers and sites, always reaffirming the dream. I bought a sailboat and taught myself how to sail, sort of, at least I wasn’t embarassing myself anymore. Bought a bigger boat, and yet another bigger boat and yet another. The last one was in Maryland and I was determined to sail it to North Carolina and I did, single-handed. It changed my life forever. It was like pouring gasoline on a fire.
I bought a sailing school from a guy who went to the Caribbean and didn’t come back. I quit my job. I started down sizing. I hired people to teach for me. I started sailing everyday to get enough sea time to get a captain’s license. It took a year and half. I missed that steady paycheck.
Four years later, I still miss that steady paycheck. I have come to rely on many abilities that I have acquired over my lifetime. Jack of all trades, master of none. I am still learning, I am still yearning for a simple life.
I am the master of my ship, the captain of my destiny. I am a sailor. Forget how I got here, how the hell do I stay?